They exist for a reason. You’re going to have to untangle them and find what they’ve hooked into Official Bob’s Burgers The Addams Family shirt by tshirtat store, and work out some ways to take them out of the driver’s seat and put yourself into it. But you can do that work. And the reward is you get to be this incredible, intense, energetic, passionate, protective, tenacious, courageous human. You get to learn what there is to like in yourself, and you get to introduce that to other people. Also, eventually, you get to know yourself a whole lot better than most people ever will.
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While I know from experience that getting there can be a grueling process I also know how cool it is to look inside yourself Official Bob’s Burgers The Addams Family shirt by tshirtat store, and see how everything is integrated, and pulling together, and moving you in directions you want to go. Lots of people don’t get that experience, especially if there’s nothing, in particular, driving them to it; but you can. Sounds like you met my dad. Well, he emotionally abused us, anyway, but yeah, that behavior is something I certainly am familiar with.
I strongly suspect my dad is a narcissist, and I would suggest you look into that if you’re hoping to start to understand this person’s psychology better. Assuming his behaviors line up similarly with my dad’s, here are my two cents. I hope it helps. The behavior you’re describing is called virtue signaling. His goal by pleasing others is to maintain an ego-inflating facade that he is saintly/heroic/generally good. If he is anything like my dad, this guy must be incredibly charismatic and on a surface level is very likable.